Saturday, May 28, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
Only A Temporary Good-Bye (I Hope)
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Getting to Know Me (For You)
1. I'm an only child.
2. I've been in love two times...
3. Been burned both times...
4. Haven't lost all hope yet though.
5. I have no desire to travel abroad...
6. There's too much in the U.S. I want to see and I figure that's going to take me a while!
7. I'm very shy.
8. Also, easily embarrassed.
9. I always thought blond hair and blue eyes was "my type" but after my first love everyone else has had dark hair and eyes.
10. I love country music.
11. I love 80s music (especially hair bands, I'll admit it).
12. I saw NKOTB in concert three or four times. (Where'd that come from?)
13. I have only a few REALLY good friends.
14. Seems like I'm the only one out there who's not on the knitting bandwagon.
15. Don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything though.
16. Another bandwagon I never jumped on was getting a tattoo.
17. Thought about it, even went to the tattoo parlor but I chickened out.
18. I'll probably be bald before long, I've dyed my hair so much.
19. I'm not much of a night owl.
20. I love junk food and hate fruits and vegetables (could explain why I'm fat)!
21. Love to write...
22. Used to write for a few hotel trade magazines and then a housewares trade magazine.
23. I watch too much TV.
24. When I fall in love, I lose myself.
25. I'm working on being able to stop that for the next time I fall.
Getting to Know Me (For Me)
Fairy Tale Faux Pas
Surprisingly, Mary agreed with me, at least a little. Looking back, I have to wonder why no one ever challenged me to be an individual. Why was I lead to believe that honestly, though innocently, believing in fairy tales was okay?
It's not that I think fairy tales are evil or wrong or bad. It's just that, I think, if we're going to let young girls especially watch or read them, we have to make sure that we teach them not to sit around and wait, and that we help instill a sense of individuality, empowerment and confidence.
If these things are instilled early enough, maybe the fairy tale dreams could come true.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Following is an excerpt that struck me as so simple but probably as something a lot of us don't do. I know I haven't been known to follow this rule.
Ever heard of a zero-tolerance policy? It's a fancy way of saying "no second chances." Zero-tolerance is a great rule to have in place when it comes to your love life. That doesn't mean you can't argue with a guy you're dating, or even forgive him for being immature, at times. What it does mean is that no matter what's going on between the two of you — good or bad — you always feel respected. You always feel valued for what you bring to the relationship.
If you have to exercise the zero-tolerance policy, and actually dump a guy, you'll feel lonely for a bit. You'll worry that no other boy is going to want to date you, because you're such a pain. And yes, the boys you break up with because they don't treat you well will tell their friends you're a pain. (Or a bitch, which is the Official Favorite Word of Guys-Who-Treat-Girlfriends-Like-Dirt™.) The thing is, you won't get the reputation you'll worry about getting. At least not among the guys who deserve your time. They'll see a girl who knows what she's worth, and isn't willing to accept any less. And deep down in a place most guys don't even know they have, they'll think, "If a girl that self-confident chooses me, it must mean I'm worth something, too." Any boy who makes that realization is a boy you can bring home to meet your dad.
Excerpted from “Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal,” by Philip Van Munching. Copyright © 2005 by Philip Van Munching. Published by Simon and Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher. © 2005 MSNBC Interactive
Sunday, May 22, 2005
I've certainly made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime... a lot of them recently, so it seems. Some are easier to deal with than others but they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Let's just put that to the test!
Last night was a night of heavy thinking for me. I've been trying to "work on me" and make improvements on the things that I don't like but that list goes on and on. So, effective immediately, I am going to focus on letting go. It's time to move ahead.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
He read it then and afterwards we were on the phone and he made some comments, disagreeing with me on some things but he understood that this is where I'm letting my feelings out and that it's good because it's got me writing again.
I didn't know he still had the address until today. It seems that he read at least my last few posts about bringing her to the bowling alley. And boy, was he pissed. He was hurt, first and foremost, because he felt I was smearing his name on the Internet. If I wanted to smear him though, I'd have named him, listed his phone numbers and address and posted a picture of him. But I didn't do that... and I wouldn't do that.
He was also hurt that I didn't say any of the things that I posted to him directly. I said some of it but I don't think he quite grasped how upset I was or would be by his bringing her there. But I was at work when he called. There was only so much I could say there. Not to mention, it took a while to process the information and for my feelings about it to completely develop. Of course, by the time I got there I had convinced myself that I was okay but as soon as I saw her, it hit me that I was not.
Basically, he told me that if I expected to keep him in my life, I'd have to accept that she was a part of it now. He doesn't understand how I can not be ready to move on yet or why I haven't been able to let go. He keeps bringing up how miserable we both were towards the end of our relationship. It's hard for me to explain, even to him.
When I fell in love with him, I fell in love with a wonderful man. Not only was he handsome, but he was generous and romantic and affectionate and all around wonderful. We wanted to spend our lives together. We talked about it all the time. And even better than that, not only was I head over heels in love, he seemed to be too. I was lucky.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
What's Going On...
Saturday, May 14, 2005
A Funny Thing Happened...
This being the situation, the cockroach won. It got to stay. I'm telling you, it wasn't afraid. The light was on and there were a group of people around but this thing just sat there, almost like it was daring us to do something.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
This morning, on my way to work I was listening to the radio and the morning show host for the only country station I get was talking about regret.
Regret is an interesting concept to me. Ultimately, everything we say and everything we do makes us into the people we are. So how can you legitimately regret something?
I'm not saying that I've never felt the twinge of regret. I have but I try to just learn from those things, not dwell on them and move on.
If I had known five and a half years ago that my ex would become my ex, would I have stayed with him for so long? Probably not but not because I didn't or don't still love him but because I do want and have wanted to get married. If I could go back, maybe I'd have left when the talk about marriage ceased. Or maybe I would have just talked to him about it and rectified the situation before it came down to ending the relationship.
If given the opportunity, I think I might like to see where I'd be now, had I made some different choices. (I have scenes from a few different movies running through my head right now though I can't think of any of the movie names.) Oh well. Everything happens for a reason, right? Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and won't make them again.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
A Girlie Girl in the Making
Sunday, May 08, 2005
It's that feeling that someone
Thursday, May 05, 2005
What's Up With Austin?
So, not one to want to miss the bandwagon, I have hopped on and found that I am best suited to live in Austin, TX.
I've only been to Texas once. When my cousin Alissa was born. My mom wanted to help out my aunt since Mary, just a few months younger than me, was only three. There are only a few things I remember about the trip. First and foremost being Mary and I playing cowgirls and indians. She had this great little rocking horse. Anyway, I was the indian and Mary was the cowgirl. Brilliant as she is, Mary decided she needed a lasso and swiped one of my uncle's belts from the closet. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor with blood oozing from my head... Maybe that explains some things!
Another thing I remember is thinking it would be so cool to ride in the back of my uncle's pickup. I don't think we were allowed and I think I was promised that we could the next time we visited, which turned out to be never. Finally, I remember going to "school" with Mary and making a necklace with a mustard seed and my name spelled out in some sort of pasta inside some sort of glass or plastic. You'd have to see it but take my word, it was very cool.
My point, however, was that it seems to be that EVERYONE would do well in Austin. Guess I'd have to visit or at least learn more about it to really understand why it's my number one place.
American Cities That Best Fit You:
So completely unrelated to anything else I've written tonight... I want to share what a great feeling I had earlier today.
I took the afternoon off (used a 1/2 a sick day) for a doctor's appointment. (Everything's fine). Anyway, this doctor is near my last place of employment. As I'm leaving the appointment and nearing my old office, I notice that the person driving behind me is someone that works there that I haven't seen since I left a year and a half ago. We sometimes talk on e-mail but that's about it so it was kind of a big deal to see him.
He didn't realize it was me so I drove up to the office and met him when he was pulling into a parking space. In his second or third sentence to me, he complimented me. (Since I saw him last I've lost 46 pounds and colored my hair.) Anyway, he stood outside and talked to me for a while. It was really nice because he was genuinely pleased to see me and vice versa.
Wait! It gets better! I was feeling good at having seen him, number one, and at having received a compliment so I left on a high. I decided, at this point, to finally bite the bullet and go shopping for a pair of jeans that fit right. I found a pair and bought them along with a really pretty blouse that I plan to wear to a party of my ex's family next weekend. It's nothing too fancy but it's more snug than I usually am comfortable wearing and it's an awesome color. It's somewhere between orange and salmon. It's got a v-neck, is snug at the bust with an empire waist, and it has frilly-ish sleeves. It's VERY girlie, something that I have never been before! I felt good in viewing my reflection. Even though I'm not counting on getting back together with my ex, I'm not counting it out either. But I do want that wow factor.
And then I had bowling and somehow managed to bowl all three games above my average. My average, on my Thursday league is a 160... I bowled a 173, 189 and 187 tonight. I was pretty impressed with myself!
I didn't exercise today but since I anticipated this yesterday, I walked during lunch, worked out after work and walked around the track at the ecology site twice yesterday. My legs are a little sore today but I'm feeling good about being so active. It's about time I started to take care of myself!
And speaking of taking care of myself, I'm signing off (as soon as I check in one last time with everyone) and going to sleep! See you all soon!