Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Thursday, May 19, 2005


That JERK (just to keep it PG rated, mind you)!!

He just called me at work to tell me that he's bringing HER to the bowling alley tonight. Now, I understand that the bowling alley is not a sacred place but he doesn't live here anymore. He's going to bring her to this place that, after next week, he'll never have to show his face in again. I, on the other hand, will continue bowling there. Hence, I will feel like the fool.

Am I wrong to be so worked up? It's been almost six months since we broke up but I just cannot accept his "relationship" with this woman. I know her and some of her current circumstances, maybe that's a part of it. This is going to be the first time I'm seeing them together since they started whatever the bleep this is.

He thought he was doing the right thing by giving me a heads up and I guess I'd rather be prepared for it than blindsided with it. But HOW DARE HE?! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! God, sometimes I HATE him! (Okay, not really, but at times like this I almost wish I could.)

Then he has the balls to ask me that I give him the same courtesy before I show up at something with someone else. WHAT? Like it'll matter to him! He's already moved on, what difference will it make to him?

Wait! It gets better... He wants "us" to be able to move past this. He doesn't like seeing me upset and hearing in my voice how disturbed I am by things (but he does things like this anyway). Just because she's going to be there doesn't mean that I can't come talk to him or vice versa, so he says. Well, he NEVER comes down to talk to me during bowling anyway. And if he thinks I'm going to hang around talking to him with her there he's out of his ****ing mind!

Honestly, I don't know how to feel (and I told him this). I told him I wouldn't make a scene (that's not who I am) but I don't think I'll be talking to him tonight. Unless, of course, he comes seeking me out, which I'm not sure he'll do. I can't stand her and I feel very strongly that her intentions toward him are truly evil. On some level, I hope I'm right about that. I am starting to feel better about not being together anymore but I'm so not okay with the idea of her being there tonight. Anyone have anything to help me get through tonight without turning psycho? :)


  • At 5/19/2005 3:20 PM, Blogger 28goingon40 said…

    Sudden sickness? Family emergency?
    Why are you talking to him? I went through this with an old ex and it's the worst.
    Are you trying to be friends? Honestly?

  • At 5/19/2005 3:26 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Honestly, yes. That's what we've been shooting for. We were together for 5 years and our families go back longer than either of us have been alive. Not to mention that we both still want to have the other one in our lives. Bizarre, I know. It's strange and half the time I don't even understand it so I guess it's strange that I should expect others to! But I'll tell you this, I'm not giving either one of them the satisfaction of NOT showing up tonight.

  • At 5/19/2005 9:49 PM, Blogger M.Thom said…

    Wow, that takes cajones. I would be super-pissed. Hope it went okay...

  • At 5/20/2005 8:42 AM, Blogger Jen said…

    I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it is almost kind of self-destructive to keep him in your life. The only way I have been able to get past things like that in the past was to sever all ties. He is just going to continue to torture you, because obviously it is nothing to him. And it is to his advantage to string you along letting you keep some hope that you'll get back together again because it strokes his ego, and if his current relationship doesn't work out, he can go back to you, at least until the next one shows up. You are better than that Rebecca. I realize that you want to keep him in your life, but be prepared for this kind of thing to happen in the future. I am so mad at him for doing that to you, and I don't even know him. Men are pigs!

  • At 5/20/2005 11:02 AM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Men stink!


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