Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Getting to Know Me (For Me)

Since the ex and I have split, I've been trying to get to know myself. Sounds silly, doesn't it?

How can someone say that after nearly 30 years they don't know themself? How is it possible for someone to be so blind for so long?

Comfort has a funny way of doing that to a person. Well, okay, comfort combined with fear. As I've said previously, I've been afraid of a lot in my lifetime and that has truly held me back, in all areas. But, sadly enough, I was so comfortable in my fear, because I've had it for so long, that I just couldn't bring myself to break out of that miserable cycle.

So here I am. I've been working on me and I've been making progress. I'm feeling good (most days) and I'm beginning to embrace the opportunities that are out there.

It's been a difficult road, letting go of the past. But what do you do when the person you want to hold onto doesn't want to be held? There's not much that you can do, while still keeping your dignity, besides let go so that's what I'm doing.

The weight is coming off (down another 3.5 pounds this month), the smile is coming back, the tears are fewer and farther between and the interest in really living is returning. I'm starting to feel alive again.

I guess he was right. I guess I will be okay. :)


  • At 5/30/2005 10:55 AM, Blogger srini said…

    getting to know the self is a lifelong travel. you should be glad that you are one of limited people who even introspect!!

    am glad that you are seeing yourself as you really are.

    about really loving others - you only truly love someone (scot peck says) when you realise that the other also has an identity - and that we cannot expect that identity to merge with ours and expect him/her to be exactly like us. so accept this person to be whatever he is - its his choice. your choice is to accept it and let go or sulk about it (which i guess cannot improve your situation)

    so i think you are on the right path - accepting what has happened and letting go.


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