Physically, I'm feeling good today. I worked out hard yesterday and continue to amaze myself. I walked 3 miles along the outside of the track and kept up my pace so that I finished in 36 minutes. Go me!
I'm also feeling okay emotionally. Well, I've got some stuff on my mind, which is, I suppose, why I'm here. Last night the winter bowling season ended. In and of itself, this was not a bad thing. The sad part, for me, is that it ends my twice weekly visits with the ex.
Yes, on some level I think this will help to make the process of letting go easier for me but I know how much I already do and will continue to miss him. Even if we didn't talk much, it was just good to know that he was right there and I have to admit, I've always enjoyed watching him interact with people. He's got a great way with people and it made me smile to catch a glimpse here and there of his smile or to hear his laughter.
Since our arguement last weekend, I feel like things have changed between us. We already don't seem quite as close. We both seem a little more guarded. I hope that in time, as I heal, we'll be able to recapture some closeness and trust because he does mean so much to me.
I never meant to hurt him just as I know that he never intended to hurt me. And he really has tried to make the transition as painless as possible for me. Unfortunately, because of what it is, there was no way to make it completely painless but he did try and I appreciate it and him for his efforts.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. It's just that he was on my mind today and I wanted to take a minute to reflect on everything I'm feeling. I've had difficulty accepting his new relationship and I think that is perfectly normal and acceptable. However, I do want him to be happy. I do think that he deserves to be happy and I hope he knows, despite the changes in our friendship, that I wish him the best and that he always has a friend in me.
I hope even though we're done with bowling (together anyway) that this is only a temporary good-bye. Well, not really... I don't want it to be good-bye at all.