Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Random Thoughts

Tonight I'm just going to post some random thoughts...

I signed on and was looking at the posting screen for a while trying to decide what to write about. I've been wanting to write all day but wasn't sure what to say. Work seems too boring even though it's been kind of busy these last few weeks. I recently said I wasn't going to talk about my ex so much so that rules out that topic. I could talk about my family, or my dog, or bowling but nothing seemed to be really nagging at me... except a desire to write something. But I didn't want to write about something silly and I wanted to be interesting.

Well, after staring at the screen for a while, I decided to check in with the blog sites I check on a daily basis. (By the way, thanks again to those of you reading what I'm writing... it's a great excuse to make sure I write often and I need it!) Mary and Robin haven't posted anything new since I last checked but Jen, aka Space Chick, did.

I have to say, I love Jen! I'm not some psycho or stalker or anything. I just feel like I've got quite a bit in common with her and often seem to be on the same wavelength. For example, I checked her page tonight and she wrote about her day and how it was "boring". She also talked about the weather. I had been contemplating writing about these two very same topics tonight!

Fortunately for her, Jen was able to spend the day in and around the pool. It's been raining here all day. I don't mind the rain. Especially on days when I'm feeling a little down. It may sound strange but it's almost comforting.

But today was not one of those days. I had lunch and great conversation with a very close friend today and even got some laundry done. I also bowled (my one league had to make up a night we missed for snow earlier in the season). I did lousy. Didn't hit my average (a 162) all night. Thank goodness that the teammates of mine that were there tonight were able to more or less make up for me. I feel bad though. It seems like they're always making up for me. Then again, what should I expect when I have the lowest average on the team?

The weather got me to thinking about last Saturday night when it was also raining. I did say I wasn't going to talk about my ex a lot anymore but while this involves him, it's really about me. Last Saturday night I went to see him at his new apartment. There's nothing thrilling about this if left at this. However, he moved out of state. I live on Long Island and he has moved to New Jersey. Again, not such a big deal. Unless you're me.

I've never been 100% comfortable driving. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, when I first got my license, I told a friend of mine not to be upset if she got a call that I'd been in a car accident, because I was convinced that that was how I was going to "go". Knock on wood, though there have been a few fender benders (not always my fault) there hasn't been anything more serious.

Anyway, never having had a reason to drive off of Long Island, I never did. Until last Saturday. I made it there with just one mistake. The way home was more difficult because it was raining so hard I could hardly make out the lines on the road and there was a lot of traffic. I called my ex about 20 minutes into the drive home and told him I couldn't possibly read my directions with so much rain and traffic. He was great. He stayed on the phone with me until I got onto the Island and then called me back every 15-20 minutes until I got home to make sure that I was okay and not in danger of falling asleep (it had been a long day for me).

When I said this part of the post was about me, I wasn't kidding. I was so excited about having done this trip alone. I wasn't totally alone because I was on the phone with him for the majority of the trip but I was driving this route. I felt like I could do anything at that point. The rush was intense.

I've doubted myself for too long. It's time to stop, breathe and believe. I did it! Sure, anything could have happened but, except for a few little detours, it was a smooth trip. It was an accomplishment for me and I'm proud of myself.

Since this entry is about some of my more random thoughts, I'm going to change subjects, kind of abruptly. I just wanted to say that the other night there was question on Jeopardy in which the answer was Merritt Island. (Jen, if I hadn't started reading your blog I never would have gotten the answer right! Thanks!)

Another random thought... I put a counter on my blog today. I've seen them and been curious but today was the day I did something about it. I'm looking forward to seeing how many people check out my Home of an Emotional Idiot blog.

Well, enough random thoughts for tonight. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting for you soon!


  • At 5/01/2005 8:55 AM, Blogger Jen said…

    Rebecca, your writing is great; I am always excited to see when you've posted something new. I am not a confident driver either, but have been forced into driving long distances many times, so I try to get over it. I used to have to drive 100 miles a day to and from work when I was an aircraft mechanic at Orlando International Airport. Yuck!

    Despite you not wanting to write so much about your ex, maybe you should- I am sure it would be interesting and maybe it would help you to move forward even more to talk about it. I am glad we have become blogging buddies, and your posts help to give me ideas about what to write about.

  • At 5/01/2005 5:30 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    I know exactly what you mean about driving. Places that I drive to on a regular basis, I'm fine with, but anytime I have to go somewhere new I freak out a little bit. Usually-- usually-- it turns out okay, though there was that one time I briefly drove the wrong way down a one-way street while trying to figure out how to get into the library parking lot... Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being random. It can be a lot of fun!


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