Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Monday, June 27, 2005

Head Banging

Ok, so the truth is that I thought I'd be really clever in naming this post! (I knew I'd get the attention of at least one of my fellow 80s music fans. You know who you are!) But, in reality, it is going to have nothing to do with head banging, in the sense of music and rockers.

What I really want to know is why I feel like I'm always banging my head against a brick wall? No matter what I seem to do, it's never the right/appropriate thing. This isn't to say that everyone in my life thinks I'm a screw-up... not all the time anyway. I feel this way where one particular person is concerned. (Sorry, I'm not going to divulge the identity of this mystery person and even if you guess it, I won't tell. Some things, afterall, are sacred.)

Seriously, I cannot totally blame this person. The feelings do belong to me. I am the owner of the feelings therefore I bear responsibility for them. I'm curious why I have such a difficult time with these feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, incompetency, etc. What makes it so damn difficult for me to just say that I am an individual with beliefs and feelings of my own which deserve some respect?

I know I'm naive but come on? Am I that bad? Do people really wonder if I was raised under a rock away from the world?

6 Comments:

  • At 6/27/2005 5:07 PM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Who - you mean me?

     
  • At 6/27/2005 8:20 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Couldn't be you... could it? :)

     
  • At 6/29/2005 9:56 AM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Hmm...maybe? LOL.

     
  • At 6/29/2005 11:55 AM, Blogger srini said…

    how can you let 'you' be defined by one or even a couple of people. even strangers have found good in you.

    similar kind of feelings can affect one a lot if this person is from our close circle...father/mother/sibling/spouse. but it still makes sense for us to know what we are and love ourselves for it.

    -------------
    PS: i am overwhelmed by your adding my blogs to your listing. thanks rebecca

     
  • At 6/30/2005 9:12 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Srini--I never said it made sense! I suppose it all boils down to low self esteem. But as I've posted in the past, I'm working on it. It sure helps having strangers like you, Glitter, Jen, Rambling Girl and everyone else though!

     
  • At 6/30/2005 10:30 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    BTW, even though you are all strangers to me in one sense... you're great friends to me in another!

     

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