Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Friday, June 10, 2005

When Exactly Is That Line Crossed?

If you're friends with someone (of the gender you happen to be attracted to), when does flirting cross the line from friendship to more? And if you think you've crossed that line, can you turn back?

Let's make it more interesting and say that you used to work with The Other Person (TOP) and you always got along really well and there was always a certain level of attraction between you both. Then you stop working there and although you occasionally e-mail, you don't see one another for a long time.

As chance would have it, you run into one another one day and that attraction still seems to be there along with the same easy rapport. You begin e-mailing each other a little more frequently and soon your e-flirting becomes a little more personal. At one point you think you've crossed the line and you joke about it but TOP encourages you to continue along this more personal line of communication.

You aren't 100% certain if TOP is still in a relationship but you think he is. But you still flirt. (TRAMP!) You and he have discussed, along with some other people you both worked with, getting together for happy hour one of these days.

When you do see one another again, do you:

a) act as if nothing has changed;

b) act as if you've been caught as something;

c) allow yourself to think there might be something more between you;

d) not think so much and just see what happens?

You may have guessed that this is a new dilemma (I use this term loosely) in the life of this emotional idiot and if you did you might be right. I think the questions are valid and I'm curious to see what other people think just in case! Just kidding. Sort of.

This is funny... a little unrelated but not totally. I was driving home tonight and felt like a fool because I was laughing out loud and smiling like a dope for no reason. Well, not for no reason but for no reason that other drivers might be able to guess except that I'm a lunatic! Every so often, these days, I find myself thinking of the attention I'm getting from men and I positively beam.

I swear, some guy almost ran into me the other morning, he was staring so hard. Okay, it was early. Maybe his eyes weren't adjusted to the sunlight yet! But I'm going to humor myself and assume that he just liked what he saw! (Where is this confidence coming from?)

Oh, wait, I digress. In the car, I keep thinking about the guy from bowling. The one who was always complimenting me and who said he'd visit me during the summer but hasn't yet (I know, it's only been two weeks). And, of course, I think of the ex. And lately I've added the AIM (see my last two posts for more info) and now TOP, mentioned above.

It reminds me of right before the ex and I got together. I was "talking" to a man in California. I had met him when one of my friends, who moved when we were in high school, married one of his friends. He was the best man, I was the maid-of-honor. We clicked and became pen pals. Had we lived closer there would have been more to it but he wasn't moving to New York and I wasn't moving to CA. Well, in all fairness, we never discussed it but I was fairly certain it would never happen. He used to write me the most beautiful letters though. He was good for my ego. Too bad I threw the letters away when I got serious with the ex. I've often thought it would be nice to look them over again, just for nostalgia.

But again, I digress. I was courting him, you could say. Then the ex, who was living in Texas at the time, and I got reacquainted and began a long-distance courtship of sorts. This one with more merit because his family was here and he wanted to come home.

Then there was a guy here that I had worked with at yet another previous job. I always thought he was cute and we got along but I never thought anything would come of it. I had starting working a second job and he knew about it, as did everyone we worked with. Anyway, he left the company and a few months later, my part time job was offered to me in a full time capacity and since it was what I thought I wanted to do, I left the other place completely for it. It was maybe two months later when he showed up at my new job to ask if I wanted to hang out. We hung out a few times but, obviously, things did not work out between us.

Anyway, the point behind all of that was that I felt pretty good then too. It was the first time in my life that I knew that not only was one person interested in me, but a few were. Now I find myself feeling that for the second time. I think I should have kept my eyes open, in this respect, while I was with the ex. Not because I wanted to be with anyone else but because I think it would have made me feel better about myself. And as I'm learning, feeling good about yourself can really help you achieve so much. Well, live and learn.

3 Comments:

  • At 6/11/2005 2:34 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Well, I hope one day I get to where you are. I spent this year sighing after one of my best guy friends (and meanwhile ignoring a guy or two who might actually have been interested in me). Finally he let me down as gently as he could, and we're still friends... I'm hoping better things happen next year in college. Hanging out with the same people for years and years tends to limit dating possibilities. If anything were going to happen with the guys I'm friends with now, it would've happened already.

    :-)

     
  • At 6/11/2005 4:40 PM, Blogger M.Thom said…

    I am all about playing dumb. And I have gotten quite good at it. And as soon as I get good enough to knit gifts for others, you will get something...I promise!

     
  • At 6/13/2005 11:04 AM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Hooray for Rebecca! I just hope I can get to that point - and soon!

     

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