Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Friday, June 10, 2005

Writer's Block

I started off my last post by assuring you all that I was still here and that I hadn't dropped off the face of the planet. But short of that post and a few comments I've made on your blogs, you'd never know it.

I had considered writing about my goal. You know the one I'm talking about. The one I seem really excited about and seem close to reaching, otherwise known as, the one I'm sabotaging! Yes, I haven't brought it up this week because I'm a little embarassed. But today I decided that you have "heard" me in lower moments so why not share this with you?

How does one explain it? I enjoy working out now but between the heat and, I suppose, my frustration at this little plateau, I have (not given up but) allowed myself to get sidetracked. The really pathetic part is that I know that I'm sidetracked but that didn't stop me from getting McDonald's for lunch, it didn't stop me from having ice cream yesterday. Mary made perfect sense the other day (on the phone) when she said that she can totally talk herself out of self destructive diet behavior when she's not making bad decisions. Basically, when she's doing "wrong" she knows it but doesn't stop it. Hey, we must be related. Oh yea, we are! She's probably going to comment on this and tell me that I'm quoting her wrong. That's okay because I forget exactly what it was that she said but it did make perfect sense! (It was only two days ago, I shouldn't have forgotten already!)

Anyway, it's what I've been doing. I was cursing myself with every bite of that McDonald's. But don't be fooled. I finished it. And I enjoyed it.

Well, as distracted as I've been I'm still not going to give up. But I do need to get back on track. I guess I'll have to start walking later in the evenings when it's cooled down some. It's also cool that I'm going to be doing t-shirt shows too. Even though I don't always eat the best foods at the shows, I'm working hard and drinking a lot of water.

Speaking of which, I have a show tomorrow. I have to be there to start setting up between 7 and 7:30 am. After the first part is done we have to pack up and move a few towns over and set up again. The parade (part 2 of the day) is at 6 pm. So I'll work, essentially, a 16-17 hour day tomorrow. It doesn't suck as much as it sounds. This is purely a part-time gig for me and it's my choice. The people I work for are great, the pay is good and it's a day out around a lot of people.

Among those people will be the Alleged Inquiring Mind (AIM). Well, I'm not sure if he'll be there. I'm kind of hoping he will be though. If he is I'll have to remember not to act like an imbecile. You know, like I did last weekend! Well, okay, I didn't exactly act like an idiot. After this guy I know said that AIM was asking about me, I just got self-conscious. It's been a long time since I allowed myself to be affected by something like that. When I was with the ex, I was with him (exactly where I wanted to be, in the sense that although I had a lot of things me things to work on I wanted to be with him no matter where that was) so I didn't even give anyone else any consideration. Now that I'm single though, well, it's a different story altogether. I just have to remember how to flirt and talk without sounding like a moron.

I've said quite a bit for someone with Writer's Block, huh? When I titled this entry, I was going to talk about how it's funny to me that now that I'm feeling good, I have less to write about. I guess I should just abandon that train of thought!

Have a great weekend everyone! Hopefully I'll have something slightly more interesting to post Sunday. Hey, Patrice, have a great trip!


  • At 6/10/2005 3:41 PM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    : ) Sometimes when you think you have writer's block it just snowballs into a cool blog entry! Have fun!

  • At 6/10/2005 5:14 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth either. :-) I was thinking of you Wednesday night because I went bowling for the first time in years. It was pathetic--I won't even tell you what I scored. Too embarassing.

    I once saw a saying on one of those silly inspirational posters that has stayed with me for years: "If you woke up this morning, congratulations. You have another chance." This is what I tell myself when I screw something up (like a diet). Even if you don't make your goal, don't beat yourself up too much!

  • At 6/10/2005 5:55 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Thanks GGG!

    Rebecca--Yay! You're still around. (Don't worry, I have a 160 average and bowled a 104 last week). Thanks for the quote, I like it!

  • At 6/10/2005 9:56 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Have fun tomorrow at the show and then you can tell us all about it.


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