Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Caught Up In The Feeling

Let me start off this post by thanking Missuz J for not only noticing my recent absence from the blogosphere but for questioning it! I am still here. I have even been checking in with you all at least every other day. I have just been lacking the desire to write.

I have recently gotten caught up in the feeling of being a single woman who is interested in a single man (who is likewise interested in me). So many times, I develop crushes on "safe" men. "Safe men" being men with girlfriends or wives; men who are off limits. Men that I cannot allow myself to become attached to. But AIM... AIM is not a safe man. At least not in the above terms. He seems like a good man and I like that about him.

Anyway, I posted a brief update the other day about AIM. Things were looking very good. Glitter and the girls I work with were of the same opinion, "It's only going to be a matter of time before you go out."

We were talking every day. I was excited to talk to him. I got a little rush when I'd see him sign online. And if he IMed me first... well, that was just wonderful especially since it made me feel like less of a psycho-stalker-woman that no man wants to be involved with! Our conversations have generally been light and funny and just plain enjoyable.

Then disaster struck. AIM's mom, who was fighting cancer, passed away. I haven't been pushing myself on him since a) I know how busy he's been with making arrangements etc., b) I don't want to be pushy, and c) this is not about me. I showed my support by going to the wake, sending a card and just letting him know I'm here.

We spoke briefly last night and he told me today is his block party. I already have plans for tonight but I still was disappointed that he didn't invite me (not that I asked him to join me tonight either although I did invite him to a baseball game next weekend).

I've realized during the short time I've been talking to him that I am extremely impatient. We're interested in each other. That much is obvious. I'm not sure how much he has heard about my last relationship from our mutual friends so I can't say that he's taking it slow because of that or because that's just how he does things or even because he's now grieving for his mom. Mind you, it's not that I mind taking things slow. Slow is fine. Maybe my impatience has to do with the fact that I want to kiss him. Badly.

God give me strength! I don't know what to do or how to act or what to say. I'm in like.

3 Comments:

  • At 7/16/2005 12:47 PM, Blogger srini said…

    rebecca, slow the pace of things - thoughts, desires, emotions. you will be much less affected in case of any eventuality.

    but all said and done - i wish you the very best. AIM for the best :)

     
  • At 7/17/2005 6:38 PM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Rebecca, as you know. I'm like you, very impatient, if you couldn't tell from my asking Harley for a kiss the other night when we went out. And I'm still kicking myself in the ass for it. All we can do is chalk it up to experience, right? LOL.

     
  • At 7/19/2005 4:48 PM, Blogger 28goingon40 said…

    Wow - are we ALL living parallel lives or what? Glitter's story is ridiculously the same...she's SO impatient, too.

     

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