Monday, August 29, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
During the week, this week, we still only spoke to one another online and while that's good and fun, there are just some things I don't want to talk about unless it's in person. And of course there was the fact that no plans had been made or even suggested about when we could get together again.
So, as happy as I was to have kissed him, there was that question in my mind about where things could go with us. I know I said I was going to relax and just see what happened but it's easier said than done! I really was trying not to over think things and for the most part, I did good but there was that little question back there in my brain.
Back to my point though. When he told me he'd call me one night while he was gone, my response was, "sure. that'd be cool." I honestly did not expect that he would call. When my phone rang this afternoon and I saw his name on the caller ID though, I was ecstatic!
He's upstate this weekend for a race and when he called he explained that he hardly has service on his cell phone there except for on the track but one of the trucks was having a problem so there was a delay and, "I thought this would be a good time to call you." At the very least that means he was thinking of me. At the most (maybe) he was thinking of me a lot! I feel good about that.
I know it's not terribly excited to you but I'm excited about it. Wahoo!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Funny How The Mind Works
Thursday, August 25, 2005
- Find the love of my life
- Get married
- Own a home
- Have kids
- Visit all of the places I want to visit
- Rock climb
7 Things I can do:
- Smile big
- Laugh loud
- Love fully
- Bitch and moan
7 Things I cannot do*:
- Ride roller coasters
- Explain rules of grammar
- Play piano
- Drive stick
- Figure out how to print pictures on the stupid printer I have
- Sing well
- Walk and carry a kid
7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex:
- Height (I'm sorry, I like my men taller)
- Interaction with others
- Common Sense
7 Things I say most often:
- Do you really think he likes me?
- Good morning/afternoon
- I'm sorry, she's not in the office right now. Would you like to leave a message?
- What? I can't hear you.
- Damn it
7 Celebrity crushes (I don't really do celebrity crushes anymore so I'm going to give you the ones I can remember from my youth):
- Corey Haim (The Lost Boys-- as well as a ton of other movies with Corey Feldman)
- Donnie Wahlberg (NKOTB)
- Brett Michaels (Poison)
- Janie Lane (Warrant)
- Steven Tyler (Aerosmith)
- Kip Winger (Winger)
- Jason Priestly (Beverly Hills 90210)
7 People I Want To Do This:
Time For An Analysis
Sunday, August 21, 2005
A Quick Update From Cloud 9
AIM and I spoke quite a bit and at one point, I was helping a customer and when I turned around, AIM was standing there with an ice cold soda for me. He didn't ask if I was thirsty. He knew how hot it was and just brought me a drink.
After we had all packed up our goods, T and I decided to hang around a bit. Well, okay, T agreed to hang out a bit specifically so that AIM and I could spend some time together. We went and sat with some of his friends and were flirty and at one point, there was some more hand holding. But when T and I were getting ready to leave, AIM kissed me. A lot. For a long time. It was really nice and I'm quite happy right now.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
WTF Happened To Me Today?!
Friday, August 19, 2005
He Gave Me His Spoon
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Emotional Idiocy At Its Best
I e-mailed AIM on Saturday and said I would give him a call on Sunday or Monday. Yes, maybe this was overkill since he is on vacation but I wanted to hear his voice. I am such a lame-o girl. On Sunday night I called and left a voicemail message. Shortly after that I signed online and there was an e-mail from AIM saying he would call me on Monday. After having already left him a voicemail, I opted against answering the e-mail. I figured that would REALLY be overkill. Today is Thursday. I have not heard from him. At all. Not an e-mail, text message or phone call. I am one cranky bitch right now.
Yesterday, during my lunch break I went to the book store and purchased a copy of He's Just Not That Into You. Sure, I'd heard all the hype about it when the book first came out but I didn't need help! For crying out loud, I was in a 5-plus year relationship. How, after that long, could he not be into me?
Anyway, I purchased, started and finished the book yesterday. It was good. It seems very black and white, cut and dry, and based on common sense. Some of the lessons, for those of you who have not read it, include:
- Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking. (But what about what the other article said about this being okay?)
- Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
- If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. (But he's on my mind and I haven't called him again... maybe we just had a miscommunication and he IS thinking of me and missing me terribly.)
- You deserve a fucking phone call.
- You are good enough to be asked out.
- There's a guy out there who wants to marry you.
- He might be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he's just not that into you.
- Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
- You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
- You already have one asshole. You don't need another.
These are some of my favorite points the book makes. Of course, they sort of conflict with the article I posted from the other day that says it's okay to make the first move, to ask a guy out.
Confused? Yes, I am. I think that is fairly obvious. I have not tried to make contact with AIM since Sunday. I am going to see what happens. If, when I do see/talk to him again, he says anything about it, I'm playing around with this response (let me know what you think):
"I am 29 years old. I have loved deeply and been hurt deeply. I am ready to find a man who is not going to jerk me around, who makes it known that I am important to him through both his words and actions and who follows through with what he says he is going to do and I will not settle for less than that."
Earlier in the week I explained to a very good friend that I am disappointed and hurt by the fact that he did not call (mostly because he said he would) and that I was disappointed in myself for obviously being so wrong about people. I had a really good feeling about him... that he was a good, nice man.
I know that I have not so subtly implied that I would like to see where I could go with AIM in terms of a relationship but I also want to be his friend. Yes, I have been impatient with the speed, or lack thereof, with which our budding relationship has been going. But I do want to get to know him better before I jump into something serious.
It has been suggested to me that AIM is a good and nice man. That he does like me because afterall, he has called me since he's been gone... just not this time, when he said he would. It has also been suggested that I just play it cool, not mention anything about my disappointment and not wait. So why, even after reading this book and having so many discussions on this subject, do I still want to hold out hope?
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I Can't Seem To Stop Writing...
This post is one that has been inspired by Srini, my lone regular male reader. While you ladies out there are always supportive and insightful, Srini has been asking me questions regarding my obsessive fixation (is that redundant?) on AIM and where things may or may not be heading with us. *Before I continue, thanks for making me look inside myself for the answers, Srini!*
I used to have friends who were ALWAYS in relationships. They could be brokenhearted about the end of a relationship on Friday and by Monday have a new boyfriend. I'm serious. There were some friends who seemed to NEED a boyfriend. It was like they didn't exist if they were not seeing someone. I never understood this and still don't to be quite honest. I kind of like my solo time. Though I should admit that I tend to lose my time when I enter into a relationship.
For me, it's always been important to heal when a relationship ends, which is why I have not sought out any male companionship since the big breakup. (Since AIM sought me out that is.) I don't like the idea of rebound relationships. I would never want to be one and therefore don't think I could do that to someone else either. It's the same as flings/one night stands/hooking up/no strings attached. (I am NOT judging anyone here, these are things I am not comfortable with for me, is all I'm saying.)
So it's been quite a few months since I reentered the single life and I've been using my time to get reacquainted with myself and to relearn how to appreciate solo time and me in general.
I have gotten starry-eyed with AIM. I know this. And at times, quite frankly, it has been nearly unbearable for me.
With all of this said, what is it that I want? I'll tell you. I want to find a man who will love me deeply, respect me and cherish me as a woman, person and eventually also as a wife and mother. I don't think this is unrealistic, unattainable or too much to ask for. When I do find this man, I would like to have at least two children with him as well.
I think I need to take Robin's advice and make a mental list of what it is that I will and will not put up with on the road to finding this man. I also need to draw the line on making excuses for other people (i.e., he's on vacation and just got busy, he forgot what day is was, maybe he thought it was too late to call, etc.). But as I said in an earlier post, short of saying he would call, AIM has absolutely NO obligation to me. We are merely talking right now.
I saw this article online today and felt it had some relevance to AIM and I. I have included the link to it as I have also shortened it somewhat to suit my blog.
Dating & Relating How to ask him out By Randy B. Hecht
How often have you met a guy who seems worth getting to know better — a neighbor, a classmate, a friend of a friend, whatever — and been disappointed because he didn’t take the next step? If you’re so interested in this guy, why don’t you make a move?
If you’re ready to give it a try, remember these tips:
Be confident, charming and calm. Or at least pretend to be. This may be your first time asking a guy out, but he doesn’t have to know that. (Yea, I forgot this part.)
Grab a natural segue. Look for some opening in your conversations that can allow the invitation to be made as naturally as possible. (Did this successfully.)
Be direct and specific. Let’s have none of that wishy-washy “Would you like to go out some time?” business. Have a date and activity in mind and issue a full invitation. (Did this successfully.)
Keep it simple. For a first date, something casual and relaxed is a better bet than something overtly romantic or intimate. (Did this successfully.)
Don’t overwhelm him. Many men are perfectly cool with — even attracted to — the idea of a woman who will make the first move. If he does accept, the ball’s in his court to ask you out for your second date.*
*This is where we stand now.
"Female Magazines Evolve to Feature Flabby"
Female Magazines Evolve to Feature Flabby
By COLLEEN LONG
Associated Press Writer
August 9, 2005, 2:47 PM EDT
NEW YORK -- Mixed among the pages of dazzling celebrities and rail-thin models that dominate fashion and teen magazines is a surprising sight: young women with thick thighs and flabby abs.
In Seventeen, Teen People, CosmoGirl! and Teen Vogue are bathing suit sections partly illustrated by less-than-perfect figures and tips on maximizing assets and minimizing defects.
Editors say they are using more average women and fewer models to reflect changing body types and to help self-conscious teens see that not everyone is perfect.
"It's not going to help my reader if we only show girls who are size 6's," said Atoosa Rubenstein, editor of Seventeen magazine. "Everyone is beautiful, it's just a matter of confidence, and we try to show that."
Teen People recently featured a story about Brittany Harper, a plus-sized 20-year-old who has competed in and won several beauty pageants against average-sized girls in North Carolina and currently holds the USA Eastern Miss title. Harper, from Goldsboro, N.C., said she's pleased to see more overweight women in magazines.
"I think maybe seeing someone like me in a magazine makes you realize that you don't have to be skinny to be pretty," she said. "People see skinny girls in magazines and they think that's what normal is when it's not the case."
Harper said she started entering the pageants because she was shy and self-conscious but now she's happy with her body.
In May 2004, Glamour Magazine broke a barrier of sorts by putting the sizable Queen Latifah on the cover. It outsold the May 2003 cover which featured svelte actresses Halle Berry and Rebecca Romijn.
Dove recently started an ad campaign featuring "real" women -- ranging from size 6 to 14 -- that shows them wearing only bras, panties and big smiles on billboards, bus stops and trains in Chicago, New York, and other cities. The ads are designed to sell products from Dove's firming collection -- lotions and creams meant to reduce the appearance of cellulite.
Rubenstein, who joined Seventeen two years ago after launching CosmoGirl!, said her priority has been to reflect the population. She said most of the girls in the style and beauty sections are not models, and variety helps illustrate cosmetics for different body and skin types. The magazine shows five skin tones now to reflect different ethnic groups.
"If you were a South Asian girl, you would have thought you didn't exist in this country if you looked at magazines," Rubenstein said. "Indian girls, girls from all over were just being neglected."
Seventeen's casting director chooses girls in malls, on the street, and anywhere she can find them for beauty and fitness sections. The magazine has increased newsstand sales by 17 percent in the past two years.
"It doesn't make good business sense to stay the same," Rubenstein said. "Girls today have so many different role models they wouldn't stand for it if they only saw the same thing every time they looked at Seventeen."
Jane Keltner, fashion news editor at Teen Vogue, said it's inspirational for girls to see how their peers are dressing.
"We try to use all shapes and sizes, but we're especially interested in their sense of personal expression and style," Keltner said.
Teen Vogue picks non-models for snapshot portraits highlighting individual styles, and also showcases cool bedrooms. The back-to-school issues followed girls in Boston and Dallas as they shopped for clothes and school supplies.
Emily Weiss, 20, was chosen to go thrift shopping with the magazine in her hometown of Wilton, Conn. She is thin and pretty, but said she was chosen because of her individual style.
"Women's magazines are fantastical and highly stylized," she said. "For a magazine to incorporate real fashion from real people off the street is important."
Experts are lauding the shift, but say the industry still puts too much pressure on girls to be thin and conventionally beautiful. And there's no question magazines are still putting thin, beautiful celebrities on their covers.
Mary Pipher, author of a book about teen girls and body image, "Reviving Ophelia," says anything that shows realistic women is a step in the right direction to help girls gain self-esteem. She argues in her books that teens are defined and pressured by the need to be beautiful.
"Presenting a broader range of beauty, even if it's under the guise of selling cosmetics, gives girls more permission to think they too are attractive," she said. "The ideal message is you're great just the way you are and you don't have to spend any money, but of course they need to sell magazines."
Jean Kilbourne, creator of the "Killing Us Softly" educational film series shown in schools, has been tracking the influence of media on women for the past 30 years. She says the pressure has never been worse.
"The ideal is more impossible than ever before," she said. "Technology now makes it possible to take a human being and make her flawless by using digital alteration, whittling down her thighs, whatever needs to be done."
Kilbourne said the international obsession with celebrities also adds to the pressure, making girls believe they should be able to look like Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts.
"Showing real girls is just great sociologically," she said. "Not only does it make more sense to show how a bathing suit will transform a person's body by using a real body, but it makes women feel like they aren't alone out there, that they are beautiful too."
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Two For Two
The first message came a little before 11 pm. I had been thinking of him all day but since he's on vacation and since we're just talking I don't want to be constantly calling, etc. Around 10 pm I began thinking that he'd forgotten that he'd said he would call. Then I got the text message.
I sent him an e-mail this morning and told him I'd call him in a day or so and wished him a wonderful visit and vacation.
What it comes down to (right now) is that I'm feeling optimistic and that is a feeling I have to get used to having again!