Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Time For An Analysis

Since we kissed on Sunday night, I can hardly stop thinking about AIM. This is not to say that I haven't been thinking of him incessantly for some time prior to the kiss but since the kiss even more so.

My therapist thinks it's VERY strange that after this kiss, he did not suggest the possibility of us getting together. I suggested that maybe he is just trying to take things slow. With raised eyebrows, she gave me a look that said, "and sticking his tongue in your mouth is taking it slow?" But (and this is a weakness for me) I had to point out that I also did not make any suggestion to get together. Okay, okay, so I know and you all know that I was waiting for him to make the suggestion but what if he was thinking I'd make the suggestion?

I've been trying very hard not to overanalyze things with AIM. I like him and am confident, finally, that he likes me as well. To what extent I'm not sure but it seems to be more and more with each time we talk or see each other. Granted, the fact that neither of us seems to be asking the other to do stuff makes this a slow process but maybe slow is good.

Glitter (gotta love her) has reminded me that AIM and I have both been through hard times this year. Although I have been single for eight months and am fairly certain this potential relationship is not a rebound thing, AIM also lost his mother recently and unfortunately, spent a great deal of time by her bedside watching her succumb to the cancer. Maybe I am not a priority to him right now. It's certainly understandable. I have had to resist the urge to call, text or e-mail him plenty of times to appear as if I am not focused on him and him alone.

He is away this weekend (was supposed to leave this morning but I'm not sure if he did or not) and has plans to go away next weekend. The two weekends following that, I will be away. I have considered asking him, the next time we talk, if he'd like to get together one night next week (during the week). On one hand, I'd really like him to be the one to do the asking but on the other hand I feel like if I don't, I'll keep wondering.

I'd like to spend some time talking to him and getting to know him (yea, okay, and kissing him some more) but there's so much that I don't want to talk about via e-mail, IM or even on the phone. I know people do it all the time but I feel like he lives close enough that we shouldn't have to do it that way. Does that make sense?

The other idea I've been tossing around today is something I could maybe say to him the next time we see one another about wanting to be open with one another and if he's not into the idea of dating me or whatever, that's fine, but that I need to know that. Ideas? Suggestions?


  • At 8/25/2005 7:05 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Hmmmmmm. Things are always much easier when everything is out in the open. Personally I can't see why anyone would want things to be otherwise, but everyone is different. I guess it could potentially scare someone off to put everything out on the table like that, but in truth, if that scares them away, they really didn't want to be there in the first place.

  • At 8/25/2005 11:16 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Thanks for the perspective, Jen! You make it sound so simple.

  • At 8/26/2005 9:14 AM, Blogger patrice said…

    oh you know I'd never pass up the opportunity to give my comments. sad, isn't it?

    I think you should TOTALLY ask him out. I do not think you should say something to the effect of "if you don't want to date me, fine, please just tell me." I could see you asking that AFTER you ask him out (and he declines) but not before you make a move. he may be sitting there talking to his therapist about why you haven't made a move thus far. who knows.

    empower yourself. I think you ought to start now, before the relationship really begins. ask him out. if he says no, then tell him you'd like to date him and ask him if he feels the same. it sounds bold, I know. but I think it would be good for you to assert some control in the situation. lest you always be the one controlled by his actions.

  • At 8/26/2005 11:00 AM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    Patrice - I couldn't agree more with you.

    If asking on a date seems a bit much, ask him out for say...um ice cream and make it nice long conversation. Hmm...sound familar?? A 4 + hour ice cream cone...I think you catch my drift.


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