Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Friday, January 20, 2006

Reaching Out

I know I've been terrible about keeping up with my own blog and, in truth, I've been even worse about keeping up with the ones that I've linked to and used to read daily. However, I was trying to catch up the other day and was struck by what Amy had posted.

Excerpt: Sometimes I just don't want to talk...I want to be silent and I want people to not look at what I am doing or typing or watching and say "What's that?"....grrrr.

I know exactly what you're talking about Amy! I live with my folks and this is one of my biggest problems with my mother. She'll either just watch me do things or she'll talk to me, say first thing in the morning, when she knows (because this used to be a daily ritual) that I don't want to talk in the mornings. I just want to be left alone for crying out loud.

Unfortunately, at times, I just want to be alone period. Well, okay. Not exactly. It's hard to explain but sometimes I need a break from everyone I know. It's not that I ever really want to be alone. Usually, it's that the person/people I want to be with don't want to or can't be with me and therefore I punish everyone else. Hmmm... I think I just had an epiphany. I've never really looked at it quite that way but it's true. Wow. I suck. Sorry for doing that to all of you.

Anyway, I know that in the past Amy has expressed some of the feelings I have about our lives in a way that makes it seem like she's reading my mind. I'm working on being happy with me and with my life but I get sidetracked sometimes when I see how happy other people are or how lucky some people seem to be. I get frustrated and wonder "why not me?".

But that brings me to one final comment... I want to thank RG for her comment to the quote I posted the other day. You are so right. There is a lot of love in my life now but I guess I needed the reminder.

4 Comments:

  • At 1/22/2006 11:52 PM, Blogger ramblin' girl said…

    that's what we're here for... to "listen" if and when you need us!

     
  • At 1/23/2006 9:34 AM, Blogger patrice said…

    I love being alone. but I hate being lonely. they're very different.

    I think things will look up for you, probably when you least expect it and definitely when you want it the least.

     
  • At 1/23/2006 9:41 AM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    you know we will always be here for you. When you stop looking you will find it. That I truly believe.

     
  • At 1/23/2006 12:35 PM, Blogger lonna said…

    I know exactly what you mean. When I was in high school and I just wanted to be away from everyone that I knew, I would go to the mall and just walk around. It was like I needed to be near people, but not people that I knew.

    My mom used to talk to me at the most annoying times when I lived at home. Either right when I woke up or right when I wanted to go to sleep.

    It would seem to me that you need some alone time right now mixed with time with people who really truly care about you. You deserve the best of both worlds.

     

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