Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Slowing Things Down

I've been postponing this entry for a while now but I suppose now is as good a time as any to get to the heart of it.

About two days after I left the Christmas gifts at AIM's house, he e-mailed me saying that he had only a vague recollection of speaking to me but that he didn't remember any of the conversation, he was sorry, that he couldn't accept my gifts and that he'd like to call me that night. I replied by simply saying that I'd rather speak to him in person and that I was only working a half day on Friday, I could come to his house or meet him somewhere then. However, on Friday morning, I remembered it was my mother's birthday so I e-mailed him telling him as much and suggesting that we get together after the holiday.

He instant messaged me on Christmas Eve and wished me a Merry Christmas. I was sort of distant because I didn't want to get into it online but I reminded him that I was off the following week. He said he remembered and that he'd call me early in the week, which he did do.

I was happy that when he called I was at lunch with some friends and didn't hear the phone. When I saw he called though, I called back told him I was with friends and that I'd call him to let him know when I was on my way.

I spent somewhere in between 4 and 5 hours with him that afternoon/evening. Amazingly, I did most of the talking. (I suppose this is a testament to my growth over the last year.) I asked him if he liked me and he said he, "really likes me a lot." I didn't question how he meant that because at this point, I don't think it really matters. One thing I told him was that it's not him I dislike, but it is his behavior. He looked like there was so much that he had to say but, unfortunately, he didn't say much.

He didn't seem eager for me to leave and when I said I was leaving, he asked if I'd like to get dinner with him first. Since I had planned to just grab something fast on the way home anyway, I said sure. (Not that it matters, but he paid.)

Anyway, since then I've talked to him a lot. He called me the next day and the day after that and said he'd call me on New Year's Eve but that it would be late. I was a little disappointed that when 1 am rolled around, he still hadn't called but I was having a good time with some friends and was determined not to dwell on it. At 8:30 on New Year's morning, he called me and apologized for calling so late (he had just gotten home). So the bastard wakes me up and then falls asleep on me and starts snoring in my ear!

Since then we've chatted online a few times and for all but one of those times, he was the one to initiate the conversation.

I have to admit that I'm pretty pleased with myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad that things didn't work out with him because I really did like him but I'm trying to focus on me now. The new year is here and there's no better time to work on making me happy. I'm going back to the gym today, am going to start drawing again and am going to actually make a budget plan to name a few things.

We'll see what happens now.


  • At 1/03/2006 9:22 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Good for you Rebecca. I have no doubt that he likes you; it is more a matter of if he is willing to put the time and effort into the relationship, and so far he has let you down. It is up to you to determine if you want to give him another chance.

  • At 1/04/2006 11:07 AM, Blogger patrice said…

    of course he likes you, what's not to like? and he'll like you even more now that you're not as into him as you were. it's some stupid law of dynamics where if you ignore him, he'll want you more. I hate that but it's so often true.

    anyways, focusing more on yourself is the best thing you could possibly do. and if it makes him realize that he really does want to be with you and helps him make up his goddamn mind, all the better. and if not, then you haven't lost anything because you're focusing on yourself!

  • At 1/04/2006 12:08 PM, Blogger ramblin' girl said…

    Happy to hear you're keeping what you want on the top of your priority list!

    And Happy New Year!!

  • At 1/13/2006 2:57 PM, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said…

    I'm a bit behind here but of course he likes you - you are fabulous!! But just keep thinking of you and you matter!

    He has let you down a lot - the real question is can you do that? I'm in a no BS type of mindset so I'd say NEXT!


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