Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Stress Much?

For the last few nights, I've been starting to doze in front of the TV about 10-15 minutes before I'm ready to go to bed. So, I wind up missing the end of whatever program I'm watching and when I get into bed, I'm wide awake. Seriously, I have been having such a hard time falling asleep the last few nights. And then, I've been waking up before my alarm clock in the morning.

At work we're moving people around and still trying to do what we normally do so that's a little stressful. At home there's all kinds of stress. Dad had surgery between Christmas and New Years so it's up to mom and I to change the dressing for the wound every day. Well, in all honesty, I haven't done it since they like to change it in the morning. Still, I worry. The one day I saw mom change the dressing (after she'd been doing it for almost a week on her own) she was so insecure and sort of flipping out and having all kinds of problems. I worry that she's going to do something wrong or not pack the wound enough and that it's not going to heal quick enough or well enough to avoid another surgery. Then there's her health. This is a big issue with me, which is part of the reason why I have never spoken about it on here before. Suffice it to say that she is an obese smoker. My AJ (dog, for those of you who are new or don't remember) is doing better but has a hot spot on her head behind her ear that, when she scratches, is pretty gross to look at. So I've been tending to that. As if that weren't all enough, I've got an infection that I just can't kick. Well, I did get rid of it but then I went back to the doctor for an additional checkup a few weeks later and it was back.

I haven't spoken to AIM since last week either. He called me last Wednesday to see if I wanted to get together over the weekend. A friend of his was going to be here from upstate and AIM wanted to know if I wanted to join them. He said he'd call me when he knew what the plans were. He didn't call. I spoke to him online on Saturday and Sunday and he didn't say anything about it. Neither did I. I ended up going out on Friday and not calling him. He said he'd call me afterall. On Sunday when I spoke to him online, I asked him a question and when he didn't respond after 10 minutes, I signed off. I haven't spoken to him since. I need to let go and move on but, obviously, I'm having difficulty doing that and I'm not sure why.

To change the pace of this post a bit, we had snow over the weekend and I was able to wear the beautiful scarf and hat that Mary knitted for me for Christmas. She did such a great job on it that I just had to share.

Anyway, I just want to share this little saying that I saw on the charm of a bracelet yesterday:

"To be rich in love is to be rich in life."


  • At 1/19/2006 11:27 AM, Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said…

    the pleasure s of winter
    come and see my poem

  • At 1/19/2006 12:28 PM, Blogger ramblin' girl said…

    great quote... just remember there are many kinds of love... you have lots of love in your life, even if right now the romantic kind isn't working out!

  • At 1/19/2006 3:04 PM, Blogger lonna said…

    You sure are doing a lot of care taking and worrying. I've been there too. It's hard to let go and let people take care of themselves. It sounds like you might need to take care of you a little bit more these days. Of course, I don't know your whole situation, so I'm sorry if I'm out of line.

    My last serious boyfriend before my husband ended things in a very strange way, and I had a really hard time letting things go, and I so wish that I just had. It would have made my life so much easier. I just needed to be the one in charge of closing everything off (if that makes sense). Maybe you need things to be final in a little more formalized sense.


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