Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Monday, April 03, 2006

Stressed Out...

Last night, before leaving for bowling, I set an alarm clock at the highest possible volume so that my mother would be sure to wake up and give the dog her medicine at the appropriate time. A few minutes after the alarm was to go off, I borrowed a friend's phone and started calling the house. No answer. I called the cell phone. No answer. I kept calling both numbers for about 20 minutes to no avail.

I got home about an hour after the dog should have had her medicine. The alarm clock was still going off at full volume, the TV was blaring, the back door was open and my mother was out cold. I turned the alarm off and woke my mother up and she swore to me that the alarm never went off. When I told her I had just turned it off and told her what time it was she apologized to me. What good is an apology though? As soon as we decided our plan of action should the dog have another seizure this medicine very literally became a matter of life and death. Now, it's not that I think being an hour off once in a while is going to do a lot of damage but on Thursday night it was three hours late. Maybe I sound selfish here but I go out two nights a week... is it really too much to ask of her to give the medicine those two nights?

This morning she had the nerve to act as if nothing had happened. I was livid last night and still angry this morning. I understand that she's tired and has a lot on her mind but so do I. For crying out loud, I spend more time at the hospital than she does, I'm the one walking the dog at all hours of the night (and day for that matter), I'm the one who is cleaning. My mother is heading down a terrible road right now. Well, she has been for quite some time but this is making it worse. I need to find a way to get her into counseling or something before she completely gives up.

I say counseling because talking to family doesn't help. My grandmother and aunt have tried talking to her. Her best friend has tried. My father and I have tried. What can you say to someone who has so little desire to live? (My mother is eating and smoking her way to an early grave).

And you wondered why I don't talk about my family (with the exception of Mary) on here! Now you know.


  • At 4/04/2006 11:24 AM, Blogger lonna said…

    Stressed out seems like an understatement. It's too bad that living on your own in New York is so freaking expensive because it sounds like you might benefit from getting out of that environment.

    I wish that I had some advice for you regarding your mom. I think that in those situations either they need to hit bottom and realize that they need help or they need to sink so low that others have to step in. But to do that they have to be a danger to self or others. Then you can get a 72 hour stay at a mental health facility, but I think that it's pretty hard to show danger to self. I think that they usually must have obviously hurt themself or be fairly blatant about ending things. Good luck with all of this. I can't imagine how much this must be weighing on you as if you didn't have enough going on with your dad and your dog.


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