Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Family Update:

Well, dad is doing pretty well. His spirits are still up and he seems to accept the fact that when he comes home, he’ll have to be bedridden for a while in an attempt not to set him back at square one yet again. Speaking of his homecoming, the doctors are talking about Thursday.

AJ has an appointment with the vet tomorrow because of this growth around her one tooth. There are several large blood blisters there now and they are bleeding quite a bit. I don’t think there’s anything the vet can do for her, without putting her through more surgery. Even though this protruding, bleeding mass doesn’t seem to bother her, it’s heartbreaking to see her leaving a trail of blood wherever she goes.

I swear the two of them are in competition. If it weren’t so serious it would be pretty damn funny.

AIM Update:

He emailed pictures of his older niece, on the 22nd, to a group of people. I replied with, “Great pictures! How’s it going? Love, Me xoxoxo.” He hasn’t responded. I’m sure he’s been busy but how difficult is it to respond with, “Super busy.”?

Is it unreasonable to expect an answer to a direct question?

I have to admit, I’ve been feeling panicky inside since we last spoke. And I’ve been crying a lot lately. A part of me wants to write him a letter or say to him, “Remember how you felt when we first started hanging out? I still feel that way. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.” I had to smile when I remembered the other day that the first time he took me to the local bar, the bartender came over and gave me a hug and a kiss and told me it was nice to meet me because he talked about me all the time. I don’t understand what happened, what changed, what went wrong.

So why am I hanging on? For lack of a better explanation... he consumes me. Lately, I'm thinking that is not such a good thing but when we're together, things are... awesome.

Work Update:

I finally got my “new” computer. The second in command promised me a new computer last year. Somehow that got turned around to my supervisor’s old computer. I don’t really mind. The “new” one is faster and better than the old one so I can’t complain.

My review still has not been done. They should just wait another two months and then do last year’s and this year’s together. At least I’m smart enough to know that I won’t be getting a two-year’s worth raise.

Me Update:

I am tired. No matter how much sleep I get, I feel exhausted. I have always been emotional but I feel the highs and lows are higher and lower than normal these days.

I’ve been trying to walk and pay attention to what I’m eating in a renewed effort to shed some pounds but it doesn’t seem to be working. I NEED it to work though… our dresses for Mary & Bill’s wedding are in. This is one thing that I am extremely excited about. I can hardly wait to get the dress and try it on. I still have to find shoes though. I’ve been striking out so far. Although, now that I think about it, there is one more store near work that I want to try.

As a part of my “Focus on Me Campaign” I want to get back to drawing. I suppose it sort of defeats the purpose of focusing on me, when the first drawing I’m working on is something for AIM. I’ve been kicking this idea around for a while and want to follow through with it. Besides, I haven’t had any other ideas yet.

I’ve also been trying to walk more. On Saturday morning, I did three miles. On Sunday morning, I did three miles. On Sunday evening, I did another three miles. These last few mornings, I’ve set my alarm so that I can get up to the track to do three miles before work but it hasn’t worked. I’ve reset the alarm each morning and stayed in bed. Again, not really helping my campaign.


  • At 7/26/2006 7:17 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    I've said it before, but I will say it again, I think the sooner you decide that it is completely over with AIM and move on, the better off you will be. He has proven time and time again how insensitive and self centered he is. If he was truly the guy for you, he would never treat you that way.


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