Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

WTF Is Up With 2006?

Seriously. What is going on this year? I can't say it's been completely terrible for everyone I know but it's certainly had WAY more negative than positive things.

Bad Things That Have Happened To Me And/Or People I Know This Year:

Dad goes into the hospital (multiple times);

We have to put my beautiful AJ to sleep;

My great aunt breaks her hip;

My dear friend D finds out the baby she's carrying has fluid in its stomach and there is a chance that she will lose the baby or that the baby will have some sort of birth defect;

AIM's friend Bobo finds out he has spinal cancer and has to undergo massive surgery;

T's friend Stephy finds out she has a brain tumor and has to undergo massive surgery;

A feels a mysterious lump behind her ear;

I gained back most of the weight I lost and now have to start all over again.

Good Things That Have Happened To Me And/Or People I Know This Year:

My other friend T found out she's pregnant and gets engaged;

D found out she's pregnant;

Dad came out of the hospital (multiple times);

Bobo and Stephy are both recovering from their surgeries pretty well.

Ugh. I just can't take all this negativity. I need something good to happen soon. With all the bad that I feel like I've been surrounded with, I want to believe that something good will happen soon.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Booty Call Inquiry

Yes, you read that headline correctly and no, I'm not looking for a booty call. My good friend A was telling me, last night, about the guy she's been seeing for the last four months or so and because of my overall inexperience with such things I couldn't give her any good solid advice. The situation boggles my mind and I can't even pretend to understand it. Therefore, I am turning to you for help.

When a man makes a booty call does he typically take her out? If he does take her out, does he pay or does he make her pay her own way? If he takes her out, is it unusual for him to take her out with a group of his friends or with his family? If he takes her out with friends or family around, does he hold her hand the entire time or treat her like a pal? Once they're alone and intimacies (ahem) are out of the way, does he cuddle with her? Does he keep on kissing her? Does he laugh and play around with her or does he get dressed and more or less send her packing?

I've always considered a booty call to be when you make the call and invite someone to meet you and "take care of business" and then part ways. I don't know what to tell her about him taking her out with both his friends and his family on separate occasions, about him paying her way when they do things, about his cuddling habits afterwards. I'm just as confused as she is about the whole situation but feel like I need to bring something back to her. Any opinions?

A is having a difficult time with this guy. She cares for him so much and would do anything for him but she's beginning to feel like she's only a booty call. Until he starts inviting her to hang out with his family and friends and acts like her boyfriend. She begins to hope then and hope is a beautiful but dangerous thing.

Friday, September 22, 2006

HELP

It's been so long since I've made any format changes to my blog that it seems I've forgotten how. Obviously, I figured out how to change the design (finally) but lost my links. I've been adding them back in but they don't seem to be appearing.
Can you see them? Or is it just me?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Pooped With Pink

Ok, I got tired of the pink. The blue is, at first glance for me, refreshing and yet surprising. I've had my blog for more than a year now and it's always been pink so this seems like a pretty big change.

But I like it.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

GUILT

Update on Bobo:

My friend Bobo came through both surgeries fairly well. There was a chance that he would be paralyzed in one or both legs and that he would lose his eyesight. The last update I got said that the Physical Therapist had him up and walking yesterday for a while. Knock on wood, it looks good for him.

Update on Dad:

When I was in PA in mid-August for Mary's bridal shower, my dad went back into the hospital with a fever caused by an infection in one of his wounds. He was there for about ten days on IV antibiotics and came home right before the Labor Day holiday. On Monday, he was readmitted with a 103.6 temperature. His newest wound is starting to open and apparently is infected. This time he is on the same floor, in the same wing as his last long stay. The good part about this is that he is friendly with many of the nurses and aides. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that this is going to be what the rest of his life is like. I hate to be a pessimist but I don't think he'll ever be rid of these sores.

Man Update:

Ha!

Things between AIM and I seem be going very well. In the last several months we've seen each other and spoken a lot. He invited me over last Tuesday night and I went and hung out for a while, then we went and got dinner and then went back to his house and laid down to watch TV. I went out of town on Wednesday night and when I reached my destination I sent him a text message telling him that I was there and that I already had a story. To my surprise, he called me immediately and asked what my story was. On Thursday, we chatted a little via text messaging but that was it. I didn't talk to him on Friday at all. On Saturday I considered calling him when I dropped my friend Lisa off but decided I was really too tired. Again, to my surprise, he called me a short time later. He invited me to a local street fair the following day (which I went to with him last year). I told him I couldn't give him an answer right away and that I'd call him in the morning and let him know. Of course, I went. We went with his brother, sister-in-law and their two kids. We stayed for a while even after his family left. When we got back to his house we just relaxed for a while and then he made dinner and we ate before I had to leave for bowling.

Okay, so I am holding out hope that he's coming around, even though I know I shouldn't. But I'm a little more open to other possibilities now too. There is a man at bowling that has caught my eye and it seems that I've caught his as well. We have chatted a bit here and there though. Anyway, I'm just going with the flow and will see what happens.

While I was away, my friend C, who is married, gave me a rose. I only see C once or twice a year. I've only met his wife once. Anyway, C has apparently had a "thing" for me since we first met 5 years ago. Honestly, I've always found him attractive but I don't know if he was married when we met. Of course, I was still with my ex so I wasn't paying attention to stuff like that. Back to this most recent trip though. Halfway through the day (we were both there working at a firefighter's convention) he walks up and hands me a rose. Later on, when I thanked him for it, he said I was "a totally awesome person who deserved it." I'm not really interested in being involved with a married man or in a long distance relationship for that matter but I thought it was interesting. And, maybe this is wrong but it feels good to know that someone is interested or attracted, even if it's a bad situation.

Me Update:

So I've been trying to get out as much as possible and have fun because what's going on at home is so heavy and depressing and takes a toll. I feel guilty for getting out though. I feel guilty for wanting to move... not that I could afford it at the moment though.

My boss is trying to convince me to go back to school or find a service project or something. I know she's trying to help but I'm beginning to feel like a caged animal every time she brings it up. The last time she mentioned it, I told her flat out that I just don't have time right now. She dropped it but I felt guilty.

My closest childhood friend's brother is getting married in October in Buffalo, NY. That's approximately 8 hours away from me. I feel like I owe it to him to be there as he is the closest thing I've ever had to a brother but it's a huge expense that I can't really take on right now. Especially considering that the following weekend I will be in PA for Mary & Bill's wedding, which I'm in. I am SO happy to be a part of Mary & Bill's day, I'm not complaining about that at all. It's just that two out of town weddings in consecutive weekends is a bit much. But you know what? I feel guilty not going.

Am I wrong to feel so much guilt? Where the heck is it all coming from? Why does it seem like there's an endless supply?

Monday, September 11, 2006

Thoughts & Prayers

It hardly seems possible to me that five years have passed since the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States.

While my thoughts and prayers are with everyone who was there as well as those that lost someone on that horrible day, they are also with my friend Bobo.

The doctors found a cancerous mass on Bobo's spine and he underwent surgery this past Friday. It was a 12-hour process but he came out of it well. He goes in for the remainder of the surgery today... actually, he should have gone in about an hour ago. They are trying to remove as much of the cancer as possible with surgery. The last update I got from AIM, one of Bobo's closest friends, is that things are not looking too good. The doctor's gave Bobo a 50/50 chance of survival. Should he make it out okay, he will lose all function in his lower body including the feeling in one leg and will have to undergo radiation.

Please keep Bobo in your thoughts and prayers today. He needs it.