Home of an Emotional Idiot

While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate. (From At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I Want To Scream

I have been meaning to write all week, however, every time I've tried, my Internet connection has completely sucked. Finally, it seems to be working somewhat better so I'm going to try to get everything in... if I remember what everything was! I should have jotted down notes!

I have been home from work since mid-day Tuesday with what I originally thought was strep throat but now suspect was tonsilitis. I went to the doctor and the instant strep test came back negative for strep. They took another culture and sent it off to the lab with instructions for me to assume I was contagious and to take Tylenol. That's right. Tylenol. Not antibiotics. Anyway, it's now Saturday and I haven't heard anything from the doctor. But I also happen to feel quite a bit better. I think I'm going to take a shower and venture out today for a while.

After leaving the doctor, I had just enough time to make it to my Weight Watchers meeting. Although I was very nervous about weighing in, I wanted to see how I had done. The results? I was down 3.6 pounds in my first week. YAY me! We'll see how I managed this week being home and in bed, for the most part.

When I got home on Tuesday, I explained to my mother that I was sick and was not on antibiotics yet so I did not want to expose my father to my germs. She said she understood and agreed that this was the right course of action. And then it started. "Would you take him his dinner?" "Would you take him his pills?" "Would you see what he wants?" "Would you change his dressings?"

I probably should have told her no but I'm so tired of the "I can't, I'm fat" excuse. She's never actually said it that way but it's the implication. "Would you change his dressings? I can't today, my back hurts." The answer I wanted to scream to her was, "Lose 300 pounds and then your back won't hurt so much!" And despite what you might think, I didn't want to say that just to be mean. I would honestly estimate that she has at least that much to lose. She can't even stand up straight. She literally needs something to lean on to support all that weight.

Anyway, I asked her what she was going to do when I'm away next weekend and she said she didn't know. Hmmm, that makes me feel really confident about leaving him in her care.

So I delivered him his pills last night as usual at 10 pm. He took the sleeping pill but wanted to wait to take the pain pill. Okay, fine. I left it next to the bed. When I said good-night about an hour later, the pill was gone. He insists he didn't take it but I couldn't find it. When I told him that he got nasty and said we should just kill him now and get it over with. He then proceeded to ignore me and call my mother in to bring him another pill. He told her if he found the other one, he wouldn't take it. I feel bad that I didn't entirely believe him when he said he didn't take it but if I don't look out for his health, who else will?

I was supposed to be in Buffalo this weekend for a wedding. It's the wedding of a childhood friend. I should be there. I want to be there. I just couldn't be there. And it's good that I'm not there. Well, it's good because of my illness, because of my mother and her "I can't" complex and because Buffalo got hit with a freak storm and is currently buried under two feet of snow! My poor friends. I hope that is the only hitch in their wedding day plans.

In other news, I got fan mail from the IRS yesterday. It seems that I owe $886 in back taxes because my accountant forgot to include the money I received from cashing in savings bonds on my 2004 return. Yes, that's right. It took them two and a half years to inform me that I owe this money and they've been so kind as to give me 3 weeks to pay. Because this year, of all years, is the one when I have extra money available. I know. I should quit my whining... this is life. I'm just frustrated. And all I want to do is scream.

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